National Tell a Joke Day!
Did you know that August 16th is National Tell a Joke Day? No? You do now! Are you worried that you might not have a portfolio of jokes ready to make your friends and colleagues laugh?
Look no further, because we have scoured the deepest recesses of comedic history to bring you the very best jokes that we could find. These jokes are bound to bring a smile to even the grumpiest mug on August 16th, and who knows? You might find yourself the life of the party (or at least the sunshine in the break-room).
– It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
-What does the man in the moon do when his hair gets too long? Eclipse it!
-I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.
-Why did the stop light turn red??? You would too if you had to change in the middle if the street!
-Melody was annoyed. She had complained dozens of times to her daughter about kissing the bathroom mirror after applying lipstick, but it was all to no avail. Finally, one day after spending a half hour scrubbing the mirror, only to find another kiss mark an hour later, Melody had enough. “Calliope!” she hollered, “What?” came her daughter’s reply through her bedroom door. I can’t find the toilet brush that I’ve been using to clean the bathroom mirror. Do you have any idea where it is?” After hearing the gagging from behind the bedroom door, Melody knew her days of cleaning kiss marks off of mirrors were over.
-How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
-A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, get out of here! We don’t serve mushrooms here”. Mushroom says, “why not? I’m a fungai!”
-Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because it has a silent pee.
-Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? FO DRIZZLE!
-Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer, the bartender says sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.
To celebrate the season of back to school, here are some of the funniest jokes that we could find to celebrate!
Fred: Why was school easier for cave people?
Will: Why?
Fred: Because there was no history to study!
Martin: Why did the M&M go to school?
Jean: I’m stumped.
Martin: Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!
Kyle: What’s a teacher’s favorite nation?
Scott: I know! Expla-nation.
Greg: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today! Mom: That’s great. What in? Greg: A 40 in Reading and a 60 in Spelling.
Charlie: Why did the student throw his watch out of the school window?
Kate: Why?
Charlie: He wanted to see time fly.
Peggy: Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?
Ken: No idea, why?
Peggy: Because it had more cents.
Ruth: Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Kirk: Hmmm….why?
Ruth: Because you can’t drink and derive…
George: Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job?
Heath: Why?
George: Because she couldn’t control her pupils!
Vernon: What’s the longest word in the dictionary?
Arthur: Don’t know, why?
Vernon: Rubber-band, because it stretches!
Lucy: Why did the broom get a poor grade in school?
Katie: I don’t know. Why?
Lucy: Because it was always sweeping during class!